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What Reality Is This Again?

Let the Magick Begin

About

This page is full of my miscellaneous works like short stories, little fun things (you'll understand when you see them), theories and explanations, more opinionated pieces that I'm very proud of (probably not what you're thinking ;b ), but most (so far) are little poems or snippets I wrote when my personality did a 180º. The words wanted to come out, so I let them flow into the masterpieces they are now <3

 

The Vampiress

Eyes

I wanted, so I Became

I wanted to be protected, so I protect. 
I wanted to be accepted, so I accept. 
I wanted to be seen, so I see. 
I wanted to be loved, so I love.
I wanted to be fought for, so I fight. 
I wanted to be heard, so I listen. 
I wanted so many things that I wasn't given, so I became those things. 
In my heart, I still want these things. 
In my heart, I still want someone to sweep me off my feet and protect me from the evils of the world. 
In my heart, I still want a hero. 
But a hero, I will stay. 

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

When Enough is Long Since Passed

When a Hufflepuff lets go, 

When an omega no longer protects.

When a pansexual has no more love.

When the neutral starts to fight,

When the healer poisons,

And the mender only breaks. 

When a good person is done with the abuse, 

Done with the constant betrayal. 

Done with the hurt, and done with being the fall back. 

Done with being the constant, when constant only means being torn to pieces. 

Being taken advantage of, and being counted on to always be around...

No matter what is done to them. 

When someone with so much love, loyalty, and a need to protect... 

No longer has the ability to let it out. 

No longer cares!

THAT!

THAT is when the world should run. 

THAT is when there is no more hope. 

THAT is when the stars will shine so bright!

That the world will burn

 
-Whatrealityisthisagain
 

Dandelion

The Dandelion is strong and true.
She's wild and free, and full of fun too!
Though hated and scorned, she grows without fear,
She even encourages her friends to grow near!
Unconcerned of the hatred, unabashed to grow her presence,
The Dandelion spreads her blessings, and not without her beauty and elegance. 
She flows and she sings, and she never fills with needs. 
Then passes her strength to the wisher that spreads her fluffy seeds. 
The Dandelion is strong and true
She's wild and free, just like me and you.

-whatrealityisthisagain

 

No More

No more, will I hide in the Shadows.

No more, will I rely on the Light. 

No more, will I run from my Battles. 

From here on:

I will Stand,

And I will FIGHT! 

 

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

Spring

An offer of flowers, an offer of spring,
Close your eyes young one, listen as they sing. 
The trees and the mountains, the sun and the breeze. 
Feel the cool ground beneath your damp knees. 
Smell the dirt and the dew in the air,
See the critters dancing graceful and fair.
Watch in awe as they waken to Spring’s loving embrace,
Watch as life blooms once more in this beautifully magical place. 

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

Great Uncle Dave

My eyes are burning
And my heart is hurting
From the knowledge that you've passed away.

I haven't stopped shaking
My mind won't stop racing
And my tears have been flowing all day

I've tried to focus on the positive side
But it's so hard to do when a loved one has died
Even though I know it was time...

Thank you so much for the love and the laughs
For the stories and puns that you told.
For the hugs and the kisses and the wonderful wishes
For the place so many call home

And even though you are gone
I know that you'll live on
Forever in the hearts you've influenced.

Wherever you are I know that you're happy
I've no doubt you're causing quite a ruckus.
I've been so blessed to call you family.,
And so privileged to be part of your life.

I will treasure forever
The memories we've made and unconditional love that you gave.

I love you so much my wonderful, loving, Great Uncle Dave!

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

Demons and Angels

It’s funny how the demons I’d been terrified of most my life, now hide from my sight. 
They are no longer my nightmares, nor the angels my light. 
No. 
Now my angels avoid me, and my demons hide.
Both with their truths, and both with their lies. 
They destroyed me together, But now it’s my turn.
I’m not holding back, though I’m beyond tired.
My hole is too deep, and I’ve nothing left to lose. 
I’m broken, I’m hurt, and no longer empty inside.
Their words don’t affect me, their actions are no longer a surprise. 
Their attempts to contain me, proved their own demise. 
Now, 
Angels flee, and demons hide. 
The nightmare has turned 
It's my time to shine.

 
-Whatrealityisthisagain

Dead of Night

Dead of winter,
Dead of night,
Dead of hope,
Dead of light

Dead of love,
Dead of fright,
Dead of winter,
Dead of night

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

Silence

Silence is Strength.

Silence is Power.

Silence is Painful,

But, that doesn’t matter. 

To stay strong - Bite your tongue.         

To show control - You mustn’t waver.   

Hide it all, and Clench your teeth. 

In the end, Your voice won’t matter. 

Don’t share your thoughts,

Don’t show them you’re different. 

Don’t let others know your deeds, 

No matter how magnificent.

Stay Silent. 

Keep it all in. 

Stay Hidden,

That’s how you win. 

. . . 

Right? 

. . . 

But wait . . . 

When has silence ever . . . won a war?

When has silence ever cleared up the hate?

. . .

Maybe!

Maybe, that’s wrong . . .

Maybe we’ve been trying to hold on,

To a lie that’s been told for far, far too long.

Silence is a Power, yes.

Silence is a Weapon, for sure.

But perhaps Silence is a trickster,

Perhaps it’s just that! And so much more.

For most, Silence is a ticking bomb, 

Ready to destroy its keeper. 

It affects everyone around,

And kills, like the Grim Reaper.

. . . 

Maybe the real Strength,

Maybe the true the Power,

Is to stand up, and be Heard!

To speak louder and Louder!

Stop hiding!

Stop ticking! 

Speak Up!

And do so, Unblinking!

Some may shun you,

They may say “That’s absurd!”

But others may actually start to follow,

And perhaps, they’ll help to spread the word.

 

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

Lost, Dead, Alone

I feel lost and alone

I know I shouldn't

I know I'm loved

I know I shouldn't want more from people around me

But, I do.  

I want to be first

I want someone to see that I am worth the sacrifice

All I seem to do is love too much

And get hurt because of it. 

Get taken advantage of.

Is it so horrible to love?

To be kind? 

To want to bring happiness so no one ever has to go through this too?

Is it so horrible to want that in return?

In the last while,

I've been mean

I've been honest

And I've been hurtful

And I hate why I've had to change. 

I hate how I've had to change! 

If I knew that I'd have to kill myself off one way or another,

I'd have done it right, so the little spark of me leftover, 

Didn't have to watch and listen to the things the new me has to say and do to live on.  

 

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 
 

Wish Upon A Dandelion

A wish upon a Dandelion is guaranteed to come true. 
The seeds you see of the Dandelion are powerful through and through. 
Wishes made on Dandelions are pure and full of love. 
The fairies wake to hear your wish, and fly to the grounds above. 
They listen with love for the wish to be made, then watch as the seeds are blown
The fairies then stay to tend to your seed, and make sure that the wish is grown. 
A wish upon a Dandelion is guaranteed to come true. 
The seeds you see of the Dandelion are powerful, through and through. 

 

 
-Whatrealityisthisagain
 

Darker than Night

The world was pitch black, much darker than night
But the storm it raged on, with but small flickers of light!
It CRASHED! and it BANGED! But no echo would sound,
As the demons and angels absorbed any noise found.
They banged and they clattered as they fought to the death!
In this pitch black world, though, none breathed a breath. 
No battles were won, no advances were made,
The mind is a frightening place . . . Without any aid. 

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

Beware

Beware Their deceit!
Beware Their Control!
Beware the terror,
They seek to bestow!
Their way sounds quite pleasant,
But They’re not what they seem,
Instead of the promised help,
They plot and they skeam! 
They’ll tear us apart, They’ll watch us all bleed. 
They will take us over if left unkempt
For this I beg everyone, 
To help foil their attempt!

-whatrealityisthisagain

 

Writer's Block

I’m warning you,
I suck, I really do!
Have you ever heard of writers block?
Well, unfortunately mine is round clock.
It couldn’t just be square
Oh no it would dare
A clock be anything but round? 
Its like a feather weighing one pound!
I’m not to goo with a rhyme
And quite frankly I haven’t the time!
It must be round
Because time must be found
Time is endless…
… I’ve become rendless
Oh stupid pen. 
It’s happened again!
It hates me you see
It laughs at me with glee!
So let me try to control it
Though I really am horrid
But let me try…
Oh, please don’t cry
WAIT!
I’ve thought of some bait!
It was orange, 
Held together with a door hinge
Already this makes no sense
Now I feel all tense! 
I should give up
This coffee has no cup! 
See, now I’m just throwing in random words
Like those pretty little orange birds.
I quit!
I’ll try again in a bit.

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

Fall Into Place

I’ve been in a constant state of “getting my life together” for a while now. I get to a certain point, and things happen. Shit hits the fan. Progress plummets. A month or so ago, I decided that this IS my life together. A constant state of chaos with breaks here and there. Then I started thinking, what if my life did fall into place like I’ve wanted? I came to the conclusion that honestly, that would be so boring! I’ve got a life of adventures! I have so many stories to tell, so many terrible and amazing experiences. I feel as though life this far has been way too exciting to live the calm life now. This mindset has honestly made challenges more exciting, the traumas more meaningful, chaos more colorful and fun.

No matter what, my story is still being written. And it hasn’t dulled a bit.

*side note: when I start complaining later, don’t use this post against me 😜*

 

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

Winter

The monster being battled today is not one that can be beat. Not while in its territory, and certainly not while it wakes from its deep hibernation. 

This monster is one that surrounds you, attacks from the core of your bones and runs bolts of agony through your veins.

If a simple weapon could defeat it, the monster would not have claimed countless lives before. Not even time can destroy its power. 

When the air turns crisp, when the animals quiet. When the crawlers flee from its grasp. The monster appears in a white flurry. It gathers in millions, billions, and more. And still it silently piles its army high whilst sleep. Only knowing of it’s arrival when we wake the next morn. 

Attacking the old and young alike. Praying on anything within its grasp. The Beast will not rest again until the champion of light prevails, or the earth’s tilt no longer aids the rampage of the monster known as Winter. 

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

One Year

It’s been a full year since they took my choice from me.
One year since my final battered string snapped. 
One year since I lost all my hope, and my trust;
My light and my senses,
My fight, and...
Myself. 
Though my body tried to tell me this day was approaching,
I was afraid... and pretended not to notice its warning. 
Of course it didn’t work!
Of course it made things worse!
My anxiety rose,
My panic won out.
I sat in my car, all my calls dropping. 
I fumbled about before letting it all drown me. 
I shook, and I sobbed-
While gasping for air. 
I searched and I wondered what my life had in store. 
Then I drove down the freeway, and pondered it all.
Aware of my speed, 
And the wind blowing through my hair. 
My music was blaring, and my mind finally clear!
I thought back, over this last horrid year. 
I thought of my fog, and of my lack of fear. 
I remembered my plummet,
And the place I had landed was all too clear. 
I remembered even hell seemed better than this!
And just how close I was to taking that trip. 
Then I took a deep breath, 
And went even further. 
And that’s when I realized:
IT’S ONLY BEEN! ONE! YEAR!
In the span of a year, 
My whole outlook has changed.
In the span of ONE YEAR!
I’ve beaten so much pain!
My life fell apart! I’d lost so many things!
Only eight months ago! I almost ended!
...
Everything. 
And yet...
I’m still here...
My heart... is still beating. 
My lungs... still filling with air...
My life is... Improving!
My strength... Is still here!
Twelve months ago I started getting help for the pain they had caused. 
Months after that, I was still in that fog. 
The time there is blurry, mingled, and meshed; 
But one thing is clear:
It’s a fucking year later!
AND BITCHES! I’m still fucking here!
Yes! Today’s been painful!
Yes! It’s been a Hell of a year!
But looking back again!
I’ve realized just how strong and powerful I really am!
I’ve battled countless demons! 
I’ve fallen to multiple monster’s hands and way too many fears!
I may have lost my footing and traveled past all solid ground.
I’d been consumed by flames for so long, I’d nothing left to burn.
Without fully realizing, I finally just...
Let go. 
The fire consumed me, and... somehow-
I took back control...
I may have fallen in many battles, I may have lost countless fights;
But I’ve emerged from my ashes, and consumed my own flames!
I’ve beaten more armies; I’ve won countless wars! 
My enemies are retreating! Terrified of the warrior they ensured was reborn!

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

"Friends"

Finally! I found beacons of light,
Good people, they called themselves.
Friends, they said they were.
They came with the promise that they’d lend me a hand. 
When they saw my power,
The battles I had won, 
Their praises rang through my ears!
I was often told,
The strength that I carried, was more than they'd ever seen. 
They praised my kindness, my willingness to help. 
They praised the light in my eyes, 
My glowing presence, 
And I never believed once!
It was all fake. 
I opened my heart to them. 
I believed they were true.
I believed their promises to help,
And that they’d lend me their strength.
I felt I finally had a chance now. 
That I might just win my fight!
At this, 
My demons laughed.
As I lay alone at night they mocked these friends’ efforts,
As if they knew something I did not. 
Every night they'd converse when they knew I could hear them,
“They won't stay with her forever”
They'd say as they laughed at my blindness.
“Lies!”
I'd retort as I'd mentally run far away.
I fought for these friends. 
Battled to stay in their lives. 
When they were in trouble, 
I saved them from their own demons.
I thought it was working. 
That my fight was almost won.
I gained more hope as the days went by. 
I felt comfortable around these friends.
They made me feel important.
I felt strong for winning their battles. 
And above all, 
I felt safe. 
My demons had become scarce. 
Their presence was still there, but not nearly as strong.
I know now they were merely lying dormant.
They knew their own efforts would never match,
The pain I'd suffer with next. 
The friends were there when it was convenient for them. 
They let me fight their battles and were delighted when I encouraged their personal growth. 
In turn,
I trusted them with my pain, 
Even told them of the confusion I had in my head 
When they felt they had time, they would listen intently.
If they knew that they'd gain something, they'd give me words of encouragement.
The worst part of all, 
Was how they told me they cared.
I was willing to sacrifice myself for them.
Mind and soul. 
I even sacrificed my own time. 
They knew that they could count on me. 
No matter what!
They knew I'd always help them. 
But that was never enough. 
They'd blame me for their own evil. 
Always say I was at fault. 
When they had a choice, 
Between lying to save themselves,
Or accept their wrong doing to save me,
They always chose them. 
They let me fall and shatter in their place instead of letting me help them. 
They let me break regardless of all I'd done for them. 
Finally!
I found beacons of light!
"Friends",
They said they were. 
"They won't stay with her forever" 
My demons would echo.
"Lies!" 
I'd retort to the demons as their laughs filled my brain. 

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

Fog

I’m walking on clouds,
My feet refuse to touch the ground.
Through my blurry vision, and the muffled sounds,
Your faces are the only clear pictures, 
Your voices - the only clear sounds. 
The fog lets nothing else through. 
Nothing,
But him...
And you. 
Where did tomorrow end?
When did yesterday begin?
I bite my lip, 
Until blood is drawn.
To drown the taste of you from my mouth,
To force your touch from my lips. 
How long has it been, 
Since I slept?
When did I last,
Take a breath? 
They’re here again...
Did they ever leave?
His soft brown eyes and yours of green and grey,
Again stare down at me. 
I scratch my skin until ruby drops surface,
But your touch never fades...
Your presence still remains. 
My consciousness is fading, 
Not unlike that night.
I blink. 
His chocolate eyes stare back beneath my eyelids. 
He takes my breath away.
I scratch. 
I bleed.
Your touch still lingers.
Perhaps if I scratch harder?
What day is it?
What hour?
What year?
Has the sun shone? 
Has the moon beamed? 
I should be sleeping,
But cannot close my eyes. 
Saltwater trickles down my face.
It burns now,
So I must still be alive. 
My womanhood has scabbed,
But you returned. 
It bleeds again. 
My arm and foot hang from my bed. 
Please, I beg.
Please! Take me away! 
But the monsters never come. 
The demons stay away...
Not even Hell will accept me,
No matter how much I plea. 
The fog is thick,
I can hardly breathe!   

But it’s still not enough!
That knife looks sharp,
What if I
...
How did I get to my desk?
I thought I was lying in bed?
This cliff is high,
If I fall,
Might I fly?
Wait...
Now I’m getting dressed? 
But no.
I... 
I was just at my desk?
I hear a noise, but no ones around.
It was in my head again, 
so I laugh instead of frown. 
You haunt me.
I can’t escape.
I can’t watch romantic movies,
Or read beautiful stories.
When they kiss or hug,
When they lovingly embrace,
I see me, him, and you, 
And that night of broken faith.
Why couldn’t I say no?
Why couldn’t I claw his face!
HOW! 
COULD I HAVE TRUSTED YOU!
...
Believed...
You’d keep me safe? 
I shower,
But am never clean.
It hurts.
Not only my skin, 
Scratched and raw by my own claws,
But my head,
My heart,
My spirit.
My mind. 
My choice was made;
Though,
Not by me. 
My body was stolen.
HOW?
How could you do this? 
How could you take them from me? 
I beg for help,
But no one seems to listen.
Now the fog engulfs me,
The clouds refuse to set me free. 
When was the last time,
I could truly breathe? 

 

 

Hilltop Castle on the Cliff

In a far away land they dance and they play
In a far away land in the mountains they say. 
There's a hilltop castle on the cliff it was built,
On the cliff of a hill, yet the castle had no tilt. 
Strong and tall, wide and vast!
It's beauty they say is unsurpassed!

The townsfolk that live there are unique as well,
In this land they work magick, or so the foretell. 
They're happy and kind, 
And so funny it's divine! 
As they sing and they dance in their haven on a hill.
And party and love in the castle that's there still. 

They help the lost traveler when no hope can be found,
When he's frightened and scared with noises all around,
He'll stumble on their village, an accident to some degree. 
They feed him and sooth him, and fill him with glee!
Then they guide him back home with plenty to eat,
And enough joyful memories to help him complete the hard feat!

The travelers always go back,
For this castle, they seek!
They long for the parties, the food, and relief. 
For the town in a castle they search with all their effort!
Though none find it, we know of its existence,
It's there on the hilltop, way off in the distance. 

-whatrealityisthisagain

 

Stand Alone, and You’ll Never BE Alone

image

Is that so?

Because when I decided to join "the crowd", it took everything. I lost my voice, my heart, my opinion, my dreams/goals, my beliefs, my smile, my unique personality, my likes/dislikes.

When I joined the crowd, I lost myself.

When I lost my ability to make one of the most important choices in my life, I left "the crowd". I stood alone for months, but it felt like years!

And you know what?

I took EVERYTHING back. I have my voice again, I'm putting my heart back together one piece at a time, I care about about my opinions, I've set my goals in motion, I'm discovering my true beliefs, my personality is MINE, my smile is usually genuine, I'm able to Express my likes/dislikes without CARING what others think!

I've chiseled at my own walls, and discovered ME!

When I was younger, when I was bullied by almost an ENTIRE TOWN! I wasn't afraid to me. I wasn't afraid to stand out - on the contrary - I did all I could TO stand out! Because I was happy with who I was. I was happy with who I was becoming.

Then and now, even if the entire world was/is against me, I knew/know that I could/can take it. I know that I would/will come out on top, because I knew/have discovered my strength. My power. My ABILITIES!

I've never felt more empty than when I was part of "the crowd". And, I hadn't even CONTEMPLATED changing myself to please others UNTIL I started hearing things like this quote.

Wanna know something else?

When I did "stand alone", I met people who I enjoy being around. I learned more about the people I'd already known! Some people I lost, either because it wasn't worth it to fight for them when they wouldn't lift a finger for me, I was sick of their betrayal, or even our personalities just didn't mesh. People also came back into my life that I thought were lost. I became closer to people I see on a regular basis! I have people I absolutely 100% consider friends to every extent of the word, when before, I didn't understand the difference between friend, acquaintance, or some random person who somehow knew my name. I discovered friends are the people you treasure.

When I "stood alone", people came to stand with me. People who don't care that my political standpoints on some subjects are opposite to theirs, people who enjoy my quirky weirdness, people who don't have to understand me to want to be around me, people who weren't phased by walls and defenses - some that didn't even know they were there! - and just strolled right into my heart (that was so beaten that I don't even know how- actually, yes I do: they made their spot without even thinking about it), people who love ME. And people I love in return.

People who are real.

So, no. I don't agree with this quote. I think it's feeding the thought more power. It's making people think twice about stepping out of "the crowd". It makes it sound like being the person who isn't afraid to be different, or stand up for what they believe in, or being themselves is a bad thing.

Like, if you don't follow the crowd, you'll be alone. You'll lose everything.

But, in my experience, it's the exact opposite.

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

Mental Illness

"It's all in your head" 
"Breath, calm down,you know lots of people have it worse" 
"Get over it. Learn to deal with it"
"You're stronger than this, just fight it"
"There's no reason for you to feel this way"
"You're being dramatic"
"It's not like a disease" 
"It's not like cancer, it doesn't take over your organs" 
Oh, But it does. 
We know we shouldn't be feeling this way!
We know other people have it worse!
We know we're being ridiculous!
We know we should be fighting harder!
We know it's all in our heads!
We KNOW! 
We know it doesn't suck away our appearances and kill off our organs. 
We know it isn't visible. 
Now let me tell you something we don't know. 
It IS visible. 
You see it, or you wouldn't have said it. 
It DOES suck away our appearances. 
Lack of sleep, sagging shoulders, unhealthy eating, being blue or distraught! All of even the MINOR symptoms have an effect on our appearances and body. 
We have no energy or too much energy. 
We WISH we could sleep!
We eat TOO much or not enough! 
We CAN'T find the motivation to GET OUT OF BED! 
Yet we often times do. 
We hold in our tears all day. 
We want nothing more than to scream, and break things, and just be listened to! 
Be hugged! 
Comforted. 
Loved. 
We don't need to be understood. 
We just need support. 
Now let's address something else we dont know. 
It DOES take over an organ. 
It DOES destroy the functionality of an organ that is VITAL to living! 
The brain is the organ that IS us. 
It runs ALL of our organs. 
It keeps us breathing. 
Tells our heart to pump. 
It's how we speak,
Why we move.
How much we know.
It literally controls everything about our bodies.
Our brain IS us. 
The brain is a wonderful thing that no one truly understands. 
But there is a SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN change in our brain's function with different mental illnesses. 
So yes. 
It is like Cancer. 
A cancer that everyone turns their heads to. 
A plague that no one wants to accept. 
Not even those of us with it. 
It attaches, and there is no cure. 
It's always there and will come back at the most random moments just because. 
There doesn't even have to be a trigger!
There doesn't have to be a reason other than a chemical imbalance! 
But that's just in your head. 
It's not like missing A+ blood type with B-. 
It's not like Asthma that stops your breath. 
It's all in your head. 
So it must not be real. 

-whatrealityisthisagain

 

Demons

I spent my life fighting my Demons.

I would often tremble at the sight of them,

Goosebumps formed when I heard the scratching of their claws around me,

Within me.

My hair stood at their words, 

Formed of whispers and screeches.

Few hours went by without a battle being waged,

Even fewer minutes, 

And near to no seconds.

They kept me busy. 

Kept me scared.

How?

They showed me what I was capable of. 

They showed me the pain I could inflict,

And the damage I could do.

They filled my head with destruction. 

I always tried so hard not to listen,

They pointed out the evil in those around us,

And laughed as I pointed out the good I saw.

When my will started withering, 

I began working hard through the day. 

I barely went a moment without a bright smile on my face.

“If I just keep smiling.

If I shine with the happiness I want to feel,

I NEED to feel! 

Someday,

Someday please God! 

Make it real! 

If I don’t Think! 

If I just stay busy,

Then maybe,

Just maybe!

They'll all just go away.”

I told myself this,

Every.

Goddamn. 

Day.

But, every night they were there, 

Fighting ten times as hard.

Their eyes would glow around me.

Their teeth would sparkle when they smiled.

My nightmare stayed vivid,

Until I finally fell asleep. 

For years my war waged.

I fought many battles a day. 

I even helped others fight their demons away.

For all of my efforts, 

My pain, 

And my care. 

I've a back full of daggers, 

And heart beyond repair. 

The people I'd helped always turned in the end. 

Even I have a limit to betrayals from “friends”. 

When enough was enough, 

I let my darkness engulf me.

The world around me became distant. 

Through my fog, 

It was barely existent. 

Though my feet were on the ground, 

I couldn't feel its touch. 

The worldly sounds around me, 

Were distant and muffled. 

The objects and figures surrounding, 

Were blurred and indecipherable.

I traveled between reality, 

And who knows where else. 

My thoughts became dark,

And I became enraged.

I was always full of anger, 

Full of hatred and pain. 

But most of all exhaustion,

Filled my entire day.

My demons had done it. 

They'd finally won. 

I walked through my fog. 

Not caring of the destination.  

I was tired of fighting. 

Had no more care for the pain. 

I was sick of constant fear, 

And betrayals all the same. 

I wanted so much to leave! 

I'd lost my war, 

Wasn't that enough?

Could I finally fly free! 

I wondered what I fought for. 

What had the world done for me? 

Then something happened. 

Something within me changed. 

The world snapped into focus. 

My fog had cleared away. 

I looked around in wonder,

But was puzzled with what was there. 

Everything was different,

Yet... nothing has changed.  

A saw the ugliness the light revealed, 

And the beauty of the dark.

I saw my own reflection, 

All my battle scars. 

That day, 

I changed. 

I decided to stay, 

But things would be different. 

So I lived day by day. 

The world had gone on without me. 

So I mended my ways. 

I lived for myself, 

Others be damned.

My demons emerged, 

They showed me my power. 

But this time I listened, 

Then watched as they cowered.

Time had flown by.

My demons seemed livid. 

In a final attempt, 

They banded together. 

They screamed in my ear, 

Of the pain I would suffer.

I'd endured pain, 

And told them to bring it. 

They laughed at my answer, 

And whispered instead. 

“Your courage intrigues us, 

And your power is great. 

But we'll tell you right now,

You must mend your ways. 

Or we'll drag you to Hell,

Your carriage awaits.”

It was my turn to laugh.

They didn't expect this. 

“Hell you call it? 

This place far away

Where I will be tortured,

Every.

Single.

Day?”

They nodded and grinned,

Til I responded again. 

“The funny thing is, 

I begged you to take me. 

Then YOU disappeared.

Hell you say? 

It sounds really quite pleasant.

No need for a carriage. 

I've nowhere to travel.

The torture you speak of? 

The horrors you sing?

No distance is needed,

I'm already here.”

My demons went silent.

Their faces filled of fear. 

“So here I am"

I continued,

"You've won.

Now take me to Hell,

Help me disappear."

The moment I decided to join them, 

They ran, 

and they hid. 

Now, 

I dare them to come back.

Once, 

they were everywhere I looked.

Now, 

the cowards have fully disappeared. 

-Whatrealityisthisagain

His Twenty-First Year

The stained glass depicts the prince as a tall man, to me he looks to be fully grown. In the first stained glass window, he is shown as much larger than everyone else, but this could be argued as an artistic standpoint of how he viewed himself before the curse. Therefore, he was made to be larger to show his power. 

 

Now let us look a few slides in when the Prince is standing in the door and confronting the old beggar woman. Granted, she is not tall by any means, but the Prince is still at least 2 heads taller than her. Not many 10-year-olds that I have seen are THAT tall. Possibly 14-year-olds at the youngest, but I do not recall a single 10-year old that is over 6 feet tall. I would put him at the youngest 17 or 18. But if I were to guess his age, I would guess early to mid 20’s, somewhere around 24 or 25. 

 

A few more slides of stained glass later, we see him kneeling begging for forgiveness when the Enchantress transforms. She is now depicted as a full-grown woman, and the Prince is on his knees. I have always interpreted this window to show her floating and looking at the bottom of the robes that are falling to the ground, her feet and bottom of her dress are not showing. We see the Prince, not only kneeling but hunched over and making himself look as small as he can. Now imagine him standing. The Prince, at his full height he seems to be taller than the Enchantress as she is hovering above the ground. 

 

The stained glass windows can be perceived in multiple ways, and have many different artistic licenses that were used on them in the making. I will touch more on this later. 

 

Let’s now look at the portrait of the Prince that we see in the scene following the stained glass. I have never once looked at this, and seen a 10-year-old boy. I look at this and see a man. He does look younger, and more like an immature prince, but the youngest I have ever been able to think of in regards to this painting is 17. This is being generous, as his features are more defined like that of adults in that I have seen in their 20’s. 

 

Later in this scene, we are shown the beast in shadows. He does not look like a 10-year-old beast, or that he was a child in beast form. We know that this is toward the beginning of the curse because the rose has not yet begun to bloom.

 

The prologue does not specify what is meant by “would bloom until his twenty-first year.”. His 21st birthday? Or maybe his 21st year as a beast?

 

Let us now skip to Belle’s entrance song: 

“Little town, it's a quiet village, Every day, like the one before”

 

She is describing the villagers with 100% accuracy of their actions, such as ending her verse in perfect time with the beginning of the “Bonjour!”s. She points out the baker with his goods “like always” with “The same old bread and rolls to sell”.

 

Now let’s think about this line: 

“Ev'ry morning just the same, Since the morning that we came, To this poor provincial town...”

 

Rather than every day seeming just the same, what if every day really IS the same? I believe that the village is stuck in a time loop. As Belle and Maurice were not in the village when the spell was cast, they are not affected by the loop. 

 

After speaking to the Baker, Belle shrugs off his dismissal of her book with a “typical” look in her eye and body language. 

 

Belle knows when to jump on the back of a wagon being drawn down the road as villagers are going about their business, as well as describing her as a “funny girl” who’s “never part of any crowd”

 

At this point, nothing in the town has been different from any other day. Not until Belle walks into the book store. The Bookseller has always stuck out to me as being different from the rest of the town. He finds joy in the fact that Belle reads, and even proves this by giving her her favorite book. But I’m skipping ahead. Nothing in the Town has changed up to now, but Belle asks the Bookseller if he’s “got anything new” which he answers “Not since yesterday.”. This lets us believe that he has been getting new books. He is the one character that has allowed change, and not only that, but he accepts Belle for who she is not just because she’s “the most beautiful girl in town”.(Could he possibly be the Enchantress?) Being given this book seems to me like a turning point in the movie. 

 

No one in town understands Belle. Yet they sing about her in a way, that it makes one think she has always been there. 

 

All the while, Belle is dodging obstacles while reading her book and walking home. She jumps a rope, uses a sign to block water from a drainpipe, walks from one side of a board on wheels with no trouble at all. This gives further proof of her perfectly timed reactions to exactly where this is happening. This could be seen as normal behavior, at the same time it’s kinda creepy how precise she actually is. 

 

Even as Gaston and Lefou are singing, her routine is perfect even to the point of when she stops to help a townswoman. 

 

When Gaston stops Belle, we get the feeling that they haven’t really spoken much before this moment. She definitely hasn’t been invited to the Tavern before to look at his trophies. It also doesn’t seem like people are willing to make fun of Maurice in front of her because of how offended she got when Lefou does. This is quickly interrupted by an explosion from Belle’s seller. In the cellar more evidence is given toward Belle and Gaston not speaking much, when she tells Maurice that there’s no one she “can really talk to”. 

 

The dialogue between Belle and Maurice suggests that this invention has been a work in progress for some time. It is always failing though. Yet, after a few more touches, it works to both their surprise and joy. As Maurice is pulled along the road, the trees are green with the exception of 4-6 trees that have begun to turn red. Note that none of the trees ahead of him have started to change colors. (Could the spell be nearing its end?).

 

Fast forward to the beast throwing Maurice into the dungeon. (Isn’t it strange that the Beast is the same size as when the Prologue ended? If he were a child, shouldn’t he have grown?). On this same day, Gaston moves forward in his plans to marry Belle. He not only proposes but already has the wedding set up outside. With assumably the entire town present. Later the same day, Belle is on a hill, and we get a view of the valley below. This valley has noticeably more red trees than the earlier shot of Maurice on the road from the same day. Yet again on the same day, Belle herself goes to the castle, trades her freedom for Maurice’s, Gaston is brooding at the Tavern, and Maurice rushes in to gather help to free his daughter. In a town where “Every day” is “like the one before”, there sure have been a LOT of changes in just ONE day.

 

From this point on we do not see much more of the village before the murderous mob forms, but from what little we may see it doesn’t seem like the days are still the same. At least not from Gaston’s point of view. 

 

Let me now draw your attention to “Be Our Guest”. Lumiere mentions that they have been rusting for ten years. As a person, if you were transformed into an inanimate object, now making it animate, given the means to break this spell and return back to human form, would you give up right away? Would you stop doing your human tasks, and let the castle that you serve in turn into a dusty, broken down, wreck because “the one to break the spell” may never come? Would you allow the thought that the spell will never be broken right away? There may be a few pessimists out there that would, but the majority of people wouldn’t. Most people would learn to adjust to their new form. Learn their limits, how to improvise to get things done that were much easier with thumbs and legs. We’d start adjusting to a newfound perspective, a literal new height and size. What about finding out who is what? Does everyone’s name match the appliance they were turned into? And what about research? Maybe there’s another way to break the spell. Decide on new sleeping quarters. Even if you are the type that would just lose hope, I can promise that Mrs. Potts, Cogsworth, and Lumiere would NOT have given up right away. Maybe for the past 10 years, they had given up hope. But what if there were 10 years before that under the spell? “As the years passed, he fell into despair, and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love a beast?”. Even in this line, we are told that it took years to lose all hope. 

 

Rewind to “The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his twenty-first year.”. Let me ask the question again: 21st year of what? Living? Or being a beast? If it’s referring to the beast’s birthday, that means that he has only been a beast for 10 years. That means that everyone in the Castle had given up the same time that they had been put under the spell. 

 

So let’s broach my theory: the spell will last 21 years. For 10 years everyone is learning how to work with their new form. They are keeping the castle clean for the arrival of anyone who could break the spell. They’d want to make a good impression right? Time passes, the rose is beginning to bloom. No one comes. Maybe they don’t clean everything so thoroughly anymore. More time pass, the rose is more in bloom, and no one comes. They are starting to get much more used to their new forms, but the motivation is declining to keep the castle clean. Now they just focus on certain rooms. Over time, it’s clear that no one will be coming. Ten years have passed, The rose is in full bloom. Now It’s okay to give up. We may as well get used to being this way for the rest of our lives-how ever long that might be. 

 

20 had gone by before Maurice stumbled on the Castle. The rose has begun to wilt. 

 

Perhaps, for 20 years the village has been frozen in time. Perhaps they have been unknowingly reliving the same day for 20 years - waiting for the one who could break the spell. Perhaps Maurice finding the Castle is what allowed time to start moving forward again for the village. Or, perhaps it was a book gifted to a girl who saw people for who they were and not for what they looked to be. If you look closely at the page that we are shown of the book that the bookseller gives to Belle, you see a man on all fours. He’s a little blurred out, but could that be a main around his face? Could Belle, in fact, be reading “Beauty and the Beast”? Could this book be the object that would help determine who would break the spell? That, once given to Belle, would allow time to start moving forward for long last? 

 

Now that the movie is over, that story has ended for another to begin. The last shot is of a stained-glass depiction of Belle and the Prince dancing. With this bit of evidence, we can determine that the stained glass windows were not made until AFTER the spell had been broken. After all of his experiences, all of his lessons, the prince would not have had himself at an older age. At this point, he would have known how spoiled-and-unkind he was, and if anything may have had the story depict a younger man to show his immaturity. These pieces of art were made to depict how cruel he was, and that he was not acting like a prince - someday king - should toward his subjects. Perhaps he didn’t commission the making of the stained glass. Perhaps it was Belle. Perhaps it was their descendants. Or the Enchantress herself. They tell a story. A story of how a man was made to look like the ugly-ness of his heart, and be taught how his actions impacted those around him. Especially as a future king. They lead into a beautiful story of how people “don’t like, what we [they] don’t understand, it frankly scares us [them]”. Of how you can be the most handsome and sought after man in an entire village, yet the most monstrous. Of how one person can make all the difference, and bring out the prince within. 

 
 

-Whatrealityisthisagain

 

Snape

Alright guys.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and just need to let it out.  

I see how Snape can be a creeper. I see how he is seen by half- or more - of the HP fandom as a villainous, creepy, stalker, whiny adult that never got over being bullied or his first love. I see why people don't like him, but I still love and mourn for this beautifully written wizard. I still cry over his tragic ending and really tragic life.

Do I not see all the wrong he's done just because he died? How can I still care for an obsessive freak who holds on to old grudges?? I mean, he was a kid when he was bullied. People change. Forgive and forget, right? 

.... Have the people criticizing Snape been bullied? Have those of you who rant about him needing to just move on with his life and get over himself been beaten to a pulp just because you won't/ don't/ can't fight back?? Have you gone home day after day with black eyes, hiding bruises, telling your family that your lips were just really dry and cracked? Do you know what it's like to have wounds that no one can see, that rarely anyone can even pretend to understand because they're from mental, rather than physical, bullying and abuse? 

*If you have, I critically accept your feedback.*

As someone was practically bullied by an entire town-a small one yes, but size doesn't matter if the majority is united does it?- both physically and mentally, I totally see where Snap is coming from. 

But, Amber! Harry was bullied, and he still became the hero! He didn't join forces with Voldemort!! 
You are ABSOLUTELY right! Harry had friends and guidance from 11 years old up!

Snape had one person who was kind to him from 11 years old and up. Probably before that. ONE. PERSON! 

Harry had friends, mentors. 

Snape... had Lilly.
Until he made one fatal mistake, until he slipped and called her a terrible name in the wizarding community.  Until the bullying was getting worse. Until now, the only person to show him affection since god knows when, started to be made fun of on his behalf as well. Until her standing up for him was causing him to be bullied more and her to be brought into it. Because some asshole jock had his eye on her. 

Let's not forget that Serious, Peter, and James literally tried to kill Snape until James got cold feet. THIS was their extent of bullying him!! Serious really WOULD have let Snape die that night, Lupin would have had to live with that burden (though he really wouldn't be at fault), and James only "saved" him RIGHT before it was too late. 

Snape lived the life every victim of bullying fears. He didn't get to even continue being friends with the girl he loved, the man that bullied him-made his life a living HELL!-married the woman Snape loved, the rest of the group of bullying jocks became idols, while he was stuck at a dead end job, in a dungeon, stuck with more brats that had barely anything nice to say, being used as a tool by 2 parties. 

Yes. He did tear a picture of his friend and love to keep it in his coat. No, he DIDN'T want to be reminded that the woman he loved married the man who constantly tortured him. 

Yes he did join up with Voldy, but not to kill muggle born, not to put purebloods on the top. No. He wanted revenge, change. Change is such an easily manipulated topic. In the beginning, I wonder if Voldy told Snape his plan to kill all the mudbloods, or to help bring Snape his justice. Make those who hurt him pay? He was a 16-17 year old boy who was constantly being bullied!!!! Voldy is a phenomenal talker/master manipulator!! If you don't know that, did you read the books??? Snape did snap out of the whole thing. The moment Lilly was in danger, he risked EVERYTHING to save her! When he couldn't save HER?? HE. SAVED. HER. SON! He DESPISED Harry most of the time! But STILL risked EVERYTHING to save him!! "Don't tell me you've come to care for the boy" his response? A doe. A symbol of his love. Of his sign of happiness and strength. He did care for Harry. If he didn't, he could have stopped long before he did. Even obsession dissolves after death. Love? Love never does. 

So, you can hate on Snape. But remember. Bullying never leaves you. There will always be triggers and random flashbacks. No matter how much you heal, being bullied - ESPECIALLY  as a child/young adult - will ALWAYS have its affect on someone.  I STILL feel angry, hurt, and made fun of when people CHEER ME ON!!! because when I was clapped for when I was young, it wasn't a good thing. That pain never leaves completely. 

Most villains are the heroes that didn't get saved. Snape... he risked and lost EVERYTHING for those he truly loved and cared about. And honestly, I personally believe that he is one of the most beautifully honest characters EVER written! 

-Whatrealityisthisagain